Friday, 30 March 2012

And this is how we spend our evenings

Sitting watching TV with Significant Otter last night, commercial break comes on.


SO: What?

LL: There was just an advert for a bed and the bed had a TV that went up and down into the end of the bed! [attempts to mime a TV going up and down into the end of a bed. This is harder than it sounds] And it was only EIGHT HUNDRED POUNDS!!! That's, like, how much a TV costs on it's own, plus you get a free bed!! IT'S LIKE A BED FROM THE FUTURE!!!

SO: Firstly, there is so much wrong with how you judge the value of things. And secondly those beds-with-
TV's-in have been around for ages. I've seen them in shops. I've even played with the buttons that make the TV's go up and down.

LL: [looks at SO like he's just admitted to having had a pair of Marty Mc Fly hover-trainers for the last six months and kept it a secret] So TellyBeds are, like, a Thing? You've known about these magical things?

SO: Yes.

LL: And we still don't have one?

SO: We don't watch TV in bed.

LL: That's because we don't have a TellyBed. We've just got a boring, ordinary bed. I hate our bed. It's got no technology in it at all. It's not digitally entertaining in any way.

SO: [with a cheesy wink] The analogue entertainment is good though.

LL: [choosing to ignore this terrible attempt at innuendo] I bet EVERYONE else has a Tellybed except us. This is so embarrassing. This is like being the last people to have a VHS player. We have a Betamax bed.

SO: I'm really not sure they're as popular as....

LL: Of course everyone has one! They're only EIGHT HUNDRED POUNDS. [taps on website on phone]  I can probably get one with Paypal right now...

SO: We are not buying a bed with a TV in it.


LL: If we had a telly bed you could sit in it all day and play Skyrim.

SO: And you could bring me snacks and beer and bottles to pee in?

LL: If it meant we could have a technologically advanced televisual bed from the future, yes. I would do that.

I'm still not sure if I won. But I'm not letting this one go.....

Thursday, 29 March 2012

I'm saving you from yourselves.

This has not, in many respects, been the brilliantest of weeks.

I'm suffering from is-it-can-be-holiday-time-nao ennuie (five working days, and counting); the sun is shining - which should be a marvellous thing but I work overlooking a glorious park full of sunbathing students and Australians who silently mock me as I sit under the artificial office lights; and I have been forced to deal with a greater-than-usual amount of idiots over the last few days. For example, I had this phone conversation with a Local Government Representative yesterday:

LGR:  I'm afraid the application that you put in has been refused, because you didn't give us the mandatory ten working days to process it.
LL: The one that you have already processed and approved, you mean?
LGR: Yes. We are going to have to cancel the approval because you didn't give us enough time to approve it in - we state  ten working days. You only gave us nine - because of the bank holiday.
LL: But, you approved it within two days. I was actually impressed with how quick and efficient it was.
LGR: Yes. That was a mistake. It should have taken us ten days.
LL: So. Because I didn't give you ten days to do something that you managed to complete in two days you are going to cancel that two days of work AND give yourself an extra lot of admin so that YOUR HEAD DOESN'T EXPLODE WITH THE CONFUSION OF THINKING FOR ITSELF??*
LGR: It takes ten days.

*this bit may have taken place only inside my head. 


The underlying cause of all this grumpiness, however, can probably be tracked back to the fact that my faithful servant, Juki the sewing machine, threw an immense wobbly at the weekend and has had to be put into machine-rehab in order to think about what she has done. I've been like a bear with a sore head about it all week.

Not to be beaten, however, I've been working on other ways of using fabric.The pendants have proved popular and I have now introduced an accompanying range of compact mirrors. Though I say so myself (which I do, look, I'm about to say it right now), these are a fabulous way of showing off slightly bigger prints. Also, a pocket mirror is an invaluable thing to have in your bag. You can use it for:

  • doing your makeup on the bus
  •  looking under the sofa for lost treasure/Maltesers/cats
  • checking to see if someone is dead in a Victorian thriller
  • signalling to ships when adrift on a desert island
  • peering round corners without being seen to check if the zombies have gone
  • lighting small fires in a survival situation
...and all manner of things. I guess what I'm saying, really, is: buy one of my mirrors. It could save your life.

Don't say I didn't warn you.

Monday, 19 March 2012

Pendants' Corner

Crafty Pirate Pendant

When I first started making and selling my creations, I had a carrier bag full of fabric. This soon spread into a storage box. And another. And another. I'm reaching critical fabric mass now at home and soon will have to actually deal with this - possibly by tidying and filing it all away neatly, or perhaps just with the use of a lot of binbags and a massive tantrum, I haven't decided yet. 

Space Invader Pendant
One box that causes me great consternation is my Scraps Box. Any offcuts that measure above a couple of inches but below the size of a coin purse get stuffed into an old Star Wars shoebox, where they remain, trapped in the dark, for ever. I have vague ideas of some magnificent patchwork project, although the only way this might happen would be if I was suddenly transported into a parallel universe where there were 72 hours in every day.

So it is with great joy and pride that I am able to announce that I have finally found a useful way to bring some of these forgotten pieces of fabric back out into the light and let them take centre stage in my new range of pendant jewellery.

Just look at his boggly eyes...
I've scoured my stash to find the cutest, tiniest, prettiest, and coolest little snippets of designs and placed them in copper-tone bezels, covered with a crystal clear piece of resin to preserve their loveliness. Carrying on the fabric theme, they come complete with a coloured voile ribbon with a clasp and extender chain.

Lemur Lady has always been all about showcasing the fabrics that I find, and what better way than by literally framing them. Tiny little works of art. It's what they deserve, after all that time in the shoebox.

Pendant necklaces are available now from Lemur Lady's Awesome Emporium, for £7.25 each including postage. 

Friday, 9 March 2012

CRAFTfest, this week!

Tomorrow sees the start of CRAFTfest, an online 'virtual craft extravaganza' run by the lovely people behind Creative Connections. From 10th - 18th March, from the comfort of your own home, you will be able to browse over 100 craft 'stalls', showing off a huge variety of the crafting talent out there. No hanging around in draughty village halls or drinking tea from a polystyrene cup in a rainy car park (although I have to admit to secretly liking the 'chip van' tea experience, but that's another story), you can shop with the click of a mouse and buy directly from the crafters themselves.

In case I haven't whet your appetite yet, here's my pick of some of the lovely goodies on offer - click on the shop's name to check out their stall.

Altered Era has some drool-worthy steampunk and Victorian-inspired jewellery. I especially love this bracelet made from old typewriter keys:

This adorable bear may look like he belonged to your grandmother, but in fact he is brand new and painstakingly created by Northfield Primitives, who makes dolls and animals inspired by toys of yesteryear. This chap even stands on vintage Meccano wheels!

I've admired the lovely applique work of MinXtures for a while now. Her PE bags are ostensibly for children, but if I was ever to need a gym bag (like, if the only survivors in a post-apocalyptic world were the ones who could attain a certain level on the stair-climbing machine), I would so end up with this sad-koala. MinXtures also makes fabulous Sonic the Hedgehog and Mario cushions and bedcovers, so you can recreate the console wars of the 1990's in the comfort of your own bedroom.

All these and many many more (including Lemur Lady's Awesome Emporium) will be on display from tomorrow at CRAFTfest. Do pop along and have a gander - when else do you get the chance to visit a craft fair without changing out of your pyjamas? Well, without getting arrested or sectioned, anyway.