Thursday, 5 January 2012

What not to say to someone who is playing Skyrim

Not even Doug gets it.
"Gosh. That is loud"

"How are you carrying all that stuff? That's ridiculous."

"Is that you on fire?"

"You've bought a house? I thought this was medieval warfare, not the Sims."

"Awesome, a dragon! Wait...don't...don't hit it! LEAVE THE DRAGON ALONE!!! What's it done to you? Have you any idea how endangered those things are?"

"She is so not appropriately dressed for that sort of weather"

"Haven't you already done this bit? Twice? Oh. It was you on fire"

"Surely once you've wandered around one dungeon looking for an amulet, you've wandered round them all?"

"There's an awful lot of walking in this, isn't there?"

"Is something going to happen soon?"

"You're going shopping now? This is like real life. Only with more walking."

"Why does everyone have so many consonants in their names? It's like they've been picked out of a Scrabble bag."

"Can I unplug *this* one to plug my laptop in? What do you mean I'm in the way of the screen? Oh look, you're on fire again."


Since the above was originally published, I have begun playing Zelda: Skyward Sword on the Wii. It has been suggested that this is, in fact, a children's version of Skyrim. Yeah, well, do your shopkeepers make amusing noises instead of talking at your for hours about Nordic history? Do you get to fly a colourful bird in between map locations instead of trudging endlessly through snow? Does your character have one sword, one shield, and an endearing propensity to punch the air and go 'brrrrrllllliiiiiiing' every time they find a coin?


Then I'll take the 3-and-over version please. And don't come running to me when you wish you could do a spin attack.