This is why I'm skint

Conversation between me and Significant Otter, who doesn't understand finances.

ME: I have totally screwed up my money this month. You know when we bought the car? I put a £500 deposit down and they were supposed to refund it to my credit card. Turns out they didn't, they refunded it to my bank account.

SO: Well, that's OK, isn't it? You can just pay off the card from the bank account.

This is actually why I'm poor

ME: No, I can't. Because I didn't know that they had put it into my account so I spent it all already.

SO: £500? You had £500 go into your account and you didn't realise? What did you spend it on?

ME: Um. Tattoos, fast cars and gin.

SO: You're not even joking, are you?

ME: Nope. The car's not that fast though. So, the upshot is that I am now £500 poorer than I thought I was but it's OK because the car was a joint purchase so you owe me half of that, which is £250. When can I have the £250 you owe me?

SO: What? But they gave the money back. You never actually lost that money.

ME: But I didn't know I had it. So it's the same thing. So you owe me half of it because it's your car too. I can't believe you'd be so mean. I can't pay for everything in this relationship.

SO: This is how the banking crisis happened.

(On the up side, my new tattoo is amazeballs. I will gaze lovingly at it while I am eating dust bunnies till next payday).